F**k Swine Flu

From the Daily Mash...

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/who-will-be-the-first-arsehole-to-wear--a-facemask?-200904291731/

Some Lions based humour flying about on email today - enjoy!

Some nice re-use Chuck Norris jokes her in the reasons why Paul O'Connell is the Lions captain. And below Quinny and Earls Lions diaries...

• Paul O Connell can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without instructions or an allan key.
• When Paul O Connell was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
• Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "<>
• If you wake up in the morning, it's because Paul O Connell spared your life.
• Paul O Connell won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
• What colour is Paul O Connell's blood? Trick question. Paul O Connell does not bleed.
• Paul O Connell once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
• When Paul stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
• If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Paul O Connell says its beef. Then it's beef.
• James Bond has a license to kill. Paul O Connell don't need any licenses.
• Paul O Connell' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Paul O Connell.
• 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Paul O Connell. Sounds like a fair fight.
• Paul O Connell played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• Paul O Connell once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
• You can lead a horse to water. Paul O Connell can make him drink.
• Paul O Connell once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
• When you open a can of whoop-ass, Paul O Connell jumps out.
• Killing Paul O Connell doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
• Paul O Connell does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.
• When Google can't find something, it asks Paul O Connell for help.
• There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Paul O Connell way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
• When Paul O Connell watches a pot, it boils immediately.
• Paul O Connell once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."
• Paul O Connell has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
• When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Paul O'Connell.
• Superman wears Paul O Connell pyjamas
  
  My First Lions Tour Diary, by Keith Earls
  
  Today I joined a team called De Lyons. Haven't seen any tea yet. They wear Red though so must be OK.There are some fellas from outside Munster here who are not from New Zealand or wherever Mafi comes from.
  POC and Quinnie told me not to speak to the Leinster boys, as they were a bad lot who might 'give me ideas' and that I might '; Get above myself'. Spent the rest of the day trying to stay under myself. This is not easy.
  PLayed the first game against a team called Saffers. The ground was harder than in Thomond, and we played under something called the sun.
  Scored three tries in the first half. Jerry Flannery warned me 'I was not bigger than the team' and that I had almost missed a tackle.
  Concentrated on my defensive play in the second half so only got two tries. After the game Paulie called me a good lad and ruffled my hair and gave me a strawberry cream chupa chup. My favourite!
  
  My Tour Diary by Alan Quinlan
  
  Played first test. Managed to successfully goad the South Africans to attack me en masse. 6 sent off. Afterwards gave Schalk Burger back his jock-strap. Pilfering it in a ruck was what kicked it all off. What larks! He took it in good spirit, really, and it only took fourteen security guards to hold him back. Roll on next week, when I hope to bring home someone's ear as a nice souvenir of my time here.
  

Lions squad announcement

I am very much looking forward to the Lions announcement this afternoon. News on the BBC yesterday suggests Paul O'Connell will get the nod as captain. I'm delighted for him as he's a natural leader on the pitch and has been unlucky to be on the same team as another leader of his stature, Brian O'Driscoll.There shouldn't be any major surprises in the squad, other than maybe the inclusion of Johnny Wilkinson. Although with his Wasps connections McGeechan may opt for Danny Cipriani.

Of the 36 I'm expecting about a dozen each for Ireland and Wales, 7 or 8 Englishmen and a handful of Scots. Find out if I'm right at 13.30.

Chelsea 4-4 Liverpool

Absolutely gutted.

But what a game...

Cats show superiority

Denis Walsh can be under no illusion about the task ahead of him this year, having seen his Cork team demolished by a well-oiled Kilkenny machine. Walsh knew there was plenty of work to do when he took the job, but a 4-26 to 0-11 trouncing is an indication of how far off the pace this team is.
Having secured Division 1 status it is fair to say that the league campaign can be rated a relative success - or at least not a total failure. With seven weeks to the Munster championship versus Tipp this result should prove a true assessment of the damage done over the past few months. That said Kilkenny are leagues ahead of the rest and Cork could go out and compete with any other team in the competition.
The question is whether they can bridge some of that gap to the Cats, a feat which no other team has been able to do this decade.
Match reports from Tony Considine and Tom Humphries.

Walsh takes over the in Rebel hot seat

Fantastic news in this morning's papers as Denis Walsh is named the new Cork hurling manager. Walsh, seen below in his playing days was a dual star for the Rebels winning All-Ireland medals in both codes (hurling in 1986 & 1990; football in 1989).

I for one, am very excited by the appointment. My early GAA memories revolve around the 1987 -1990 footballers who battled it out with Meath and Mayo for All Ireland football titles and the 1990 hurling team which made it a double for Cork.
The St. Catherine's man was a stalwart of those teams and the fact that he was picked by three well regarded Cork GAA men, Jimmy Barry-Murphy, John Fenton and Denis Coughlan, speaks volumes.
One half of the strike debate is now over and the team can focus on the on-pitch action. Of that we are all glad. As for the second part, that responsibility is with the clubs and the county board and I would hold out strong hope that that too will be resolved without any further confrontation.

Perfect sporting weekend

This weekend just passed must be close to the perfect sporting weekend. The main story was certainly Ireland's historic Grand Slam win after 61 years. It was - in the end - a gripping game of rugby which went to the very last kick. Overall, the team deserved the victory and I'm delighted that the current bunch of players achieved what they have promised for so long. During the earlier rugby games on Saturday I had one eye on the Premier League and was both shocked and delighted to see Man Utd and Chelsea lose. Utd's two dismissal's may also play a part in their next fixture versus Aston Villa. Liverpool put any fears of a slip up to rest in the first 30 minutes on Sunday and eventually cruised to a 5-0 win versus Villa. Looks like game on in the league.

In other sporting news Bernard Dunne won his first world title win an 11th round stoppage in Dublin, in the early hours of Sunday morning, so well done to him. And the Cork hurlers were back with the 14 changes helping the team to overcome a six point deficit with ten minutes to go. A late burst of ten unanswered points from the rebels gave them their first win of the season.

So a great weekend all round - more of the same please!

Dreaming in green...

So while the Cork county board meet the chairmen of the clubs I thought I'd turn my attention to this weekend's Six Nations action. It's been a mixed bag for Declan Kidney's men in the first three games of this year's championship. That aside, 2009 provides a clear opportunity to win the country's first championship since 1985 and maybe, just maybe, a first Grand Slam since 1948.

Looking at the three games so far the only thing you would say they had in common was that Ireland won them. The French game was one of the best games of rugby I have seen in some time with both teams dominating in turn and Ireland's defence making the difference in the end. The Italian game was a brutish clash of culture with the Italian negativity not enough to hold back the Irish. Finally, the English game which was simply bad - O'Gara's uncharacteristic performance almost cost us the game.
That said, three wins down and two games to go. It's interesting to see the four changes for the Scotland game as Kidney may have one eye on the Wales game the week after. Either way that will be the decider as the championship will almost certainly go to the winner of that match. So fingers crossed. We won't get carried away but focus on Murrayfield and take it from there.

Gerald resigns

Breaking news a short time ago that the inevitable has happened and Gerald Mac has resigned tonight - http://www.irishtimes.com/sports/gaa/2009/0310/1224242653438.html. It's a terrible shame that it has come to this and that this event will be a black mark on the career of a distinguished player and coach.
Ultimately, it's the fact that the board put Gerald in this position first day and he was possibly too proud too hang it up after two average years.
The county board used him as a pawn in their efforts to control the Cork team's and unfortunately he allowed himself to be used in this. Hopefully now the clubs will follow through and ensure the second motion on the role of club delegates is upheld also.

Tick, tock.....

Not much more to add to the Cork saga as we await tonight's "information and consultation" meeting between club chairmen and the county board. Latest here in the Times and here in the Examiner.
And of course you have always got the opinion of the People's Republic to fall back on!